On ‘The Bachelorette,’ every man-child is brawling

The brawniest men have the flimsiest of egos.

That’s one takeaway from a heated “Bachelorette,” in which our aspiring husbands reverted not so much to cavemen but to little boys.

The big conflict of the night, one that seemed to overshadow all the dates, was the war between Ed and Chasen.

Ed believes Chasen is there for the wrong reasons, mostly because Chasen has such a limited vocabulary. (Point to Ed, here.)

The bland compliments Chasen bestows on Tayshia are the same he used on Clare, Ed points out.

Chasen is outraged and threatens to release his inner Wolverine if Ed keeps it up.

Ed keeps it up.

After an inane group date in which the bachelors try to pass “the Grown Man Challenge,” a sort of husband test – and Harvard-educated Bennett proves he can’t add or spell – Chasen calls out Ed.

Ed criticizes his “s’medium” t-shirt.

“Actually, it’s a large,” Chasen says.

That told him.

Chasen debuts a new phrase to describe Tayshia: “smoke show.”

No one is impressed, but that doesn’t stop Chasen from using it every chance he gets.

At Tayshia’s first rose ceremony, Ed prays she eliminates Chasen.

“Send him home. Chasen is already late for his first club appearance with his 6,000 new followers.”

That’s a decent burn.

Tayshia cut three men, including Jay, everyone’s favorite knight in armor from Clare’s night one.

Chasen is the last man to win a rose.

On the next group date, the men are given a crash course in wrestling and take to the mats to take each other down.

Some of the action is hard-core. Several of these men are athletes, and everyone is competitive.

But when it’s Ed’s turn to wrestle Chasen, he bolts for Chris Harrison.

Despite being built like a brickhouse, Ed says he can’t because he suffers from chronic shoulder dislocations.

Chasen looks to be unchallenged, until Noah – who isn’t even on the group date – jumps the fence into the ring.

Chasen wins, but Noah wins bigger prizes – a place on the group after-party, Tayshia’s attention, and, of course, enmity from the other guys.

Ben and Tayshia. (Photo: ABC)
Ben can’t get his timing down with Tayshia (Photo: ABC).

The part of “The Office’s” Jim Halpert is being played by Ben, who clicks with Tayshia but struggles to get a date rose. His strategy on the second group date is to wait to be the last man to get Tayshia alone, that way her memory of him will be freshest when she gives out her favor.

Unfortunately, he waits too long, and Tayshia informs him the night is over and she’s going to bed.

Tayshia, demonstrating she’s more Angela than Pam, tells the camera she’s disappointed Ben didn’t fight to get some time with her.

Ooh!

Tayshia likes Noah but not his mustache. She asks Noah to shave it, and he complies. (He actually allows her to shave it off.)

Now imagine if the genders had been reversed and the Bachelor asked a woman to cut her hair.

If someone asks you to change yourself, you’re never going to please them.

Prediction: Tayshia and Noah have no meaningful future.

Next week: Does it even matter?

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