On ‘The Bachelorette,’ love means never hearing Clare’s name again

Can a young, beautiful woman find love with 16 burned-out men?

On ABC’s “The Bachelorette,” anything is possible!

Tayshia Adams met her men last night, and the guys were ready for a new journey into love!

Almost all of them, anyway.

Note to Chris Harrison: Four guys does not equate “a limo full of men.”

It’s maybe a half-full limo, and given that stretch car that pulled up to the hotel, there could have been easily four times that number.

You want to credit ABC for doing right by Adams, for giving her some fresh men, and it botches that.

The first new guy, Spencer, was obviously fed a line by producers meant to tick off these battle-scarred veterans of love:

“Which one of you guys scared away Clare?”

Mission accomplished!

He nabs the first impression rose, cementing his place as the Man to Hate.

Tayshia cancels the rose ceremony for the night – and suddenly we get a preview of her entire season, full of kisses and tears.

Y’know, the usual for ABC.

Wait. There’s still an hour and 15 minutes left.

Dear God. ABC isn’t going to turn over the rest of the night to the “tell-all” with Clare and Dale, is it?

That would be beyond cruel.

Whew! No.

Clare and Dale: Go with God.. Photo: ABC
Clare and Dale: Go with God. (Photo: ABC)

It’s odd placement, but it’s just a couple segments. Clare and Dale swear – again – they had no contact prior to the show starting, even tho’ Clare did shadow him and a bunch of the guys on social media.

When Chris Harrison asks what’s next for the engaged couple – moving in? getting married? – Dale starts to answer and Clare interrupts:

“BAAAAAABBBBBBIEEEEEES!”

Dale keeps talking as if he heard nothing.

Smooth.

It does seem odd for people to be angry with Clare for jumping the gun with Dale when the whole process for these shows is about jumpstarting romance beyond all natural and rational measures.

She got there weeks before ABC’s allotted timetable ran out. Get over it.

Tayshia’s first group date is splashball with the men in Speedos.

Somewhere, Yosef is screaming about how degrading it all is.

Riley and Spencer get at it, and Riley accidentally elbows Spencer hard in the face, busting his lip open.

“His face hit my elbow,” Riley tells the camera. Did we mention Riley is a medical malpractice attorney?

Jason realizes he is not over Clare.

This is Tayshia’s biggest fear, that the guys will view her as a consolation prize.

Jason does his best to assure her that the remaining 19 men are there for her.

Tayshia is sad to see him go and realizes he was a man worth knowing.

Jason, no doubt, has moved to the head of Bachelor Nation’s wish list for the next Bachelor.

Brendan wins the first one-on-one date. It amounts to a slow horseback ride along the hotel grounds, dinner and fireworks, emotional and sparkly.

He admits he was married when he was younger and was devastated when it ended. Tayshia can relate. She had a similar experience, so she doesn’t think any less of him. Oh, and she wants five kids.

He wins a rose and a kiss just as fireworks launch into the stratosphere.

Oh, ABC. Never stop trying to force magic.

Next week: Could this be the X-Men/Bachelorette crossover you never wanted? One guy is so mad, he promises to release his inner Wolverine!

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